Ramblings of the sensibly insane

Ice

2011-09-03T19:44:00.001+08:00

i want to be a machine again

2011-08-30T09:54:00.006+08:00

My brain feels drained right now. i have absolutely no idea why that is and it is sort of on my nerves. maybe it's the music i've been listening to for the past 2 hours. soulja boy doesn't really do much for the brain cells.

there are a few things i need to set aside some time somewhere to think about:

1. macroeconomic relations and how they're affected by financial markets. i vaguely remember reading about them in intermediate macroeconomics but that was a year ago... and it's mostly gone

2. i need more words.
- i want my vocabulary back

3. rules rules rules
- i need a code of conduct.
- i need a carefully constructed code of conduct.
- i need to carefully construct a code of conduct.

_________________________

as a side note, i've just remembered a few things.
1. they are all bitches
2. neediness and insecurity are a man's 2 worst enemies
3. [i'll get back to you] - at the moment it feels like i've been stuck in a box for a while, a box i haven't always been stuck in, and i'm just remembering that there was a world i really enjoyed that existed outside the box; but also a world i seem to have thought i had a reason to start avoiding, outside the box.

Coz i'm a Ridah

2011-07-27T20:36:00.002+08:00

hey it's been a while since i last posted here. the other 4 blogs i tried to start never really felt right for some reason. and most of the time that reason was because i was just way too up myself to really try too hard since writing about one's daily activities generally amounts to explaining oneself; and as we all know i think i'm above that. as they say, all writers are narcissists. In fact, it's still a problem i'm having now, just i'm trying harder because i've come to realise the ability to write (even if all i'm writing about is narcissistic self-indulgent bullshit) is something i'd rather have than not and further that whether or not i agree with the concept of explaining myself to people, being able to explain myself is definitely much better than not being able to.

After all this time without writing anything personal i have to say it feels really strange. It feels so formal. and yet i'm not entirely sure that that's not all i know how to write.

hmmm... one way to find out?

Go there now...

2009-04-12T22:30:00.002+08:00

Click

Ashes to ashes we all fall down

2009-03-03T16:36:00.004+08:00

"When we remember we are all mad the mysteries disappear and life stands explained"
~Mark Twain~

I decided a few hours ago that i'd like to close this blog for good. I've removed it a few times in the past but this time i can wholeheartedly assure you that there'll be no more posts after this one. I don't need it anymore, it's purpose has been served, whatever that may be. I suppose it's all part of me being at the cross-roads of all cross-roads. At least that's what i think now anyway. That changes like it does with everyone else; all the time. Thoughts have this brilliant ephemeral quality to them which took me too long to realise is never enough. Life is concrete, joy is wholesome and pain is only what you make of it.

I have no idea h0w many people actually read this tragically verbose page but if you do or ever have, thanks for dropping by. Your time has been well appreciated. Go now and find a better way to spend your time. This site really doesn't matter. Few things do. Life's short. The fact that everyone's mad is an excuse to forgive everyone else and never one for our own usage. Wisdom of a 19-year-old; make what you will of it. It's happened so many times before for a plethora of reasons but as far as i know there really isn't a more comforting idea than the knowledge that you can just pick yourself up off the floor every time you trip. You might say i don't really know how hard you can fall to begin with. I say i'll worry about it when it happens. Risk is a beautiful thing.

While i'm at it i suppose i should also make a mention to whichever charitable real or imagined deity appears to be constantly saving me from myself. It's exhilarating how bright things feel here in Melbourne. I'd go almost as far as to say i'm lucky to have screwed up as bad as i did, with the timing that i did it with. For starters i know exactly which way not to go from here, scrupulously bearing in mind exactly how easy it is to end up there. On that same note, sometimes you get lucky. Melbourne is about as redoubtable a place as i could have ended up without originally intending to. Possibly even more so than where i had in mind. Another reason i should be grateful for the timing is exactly how bad it feels is as fresh in my mind as i could like really. That you just can not imagine.

I'm trying to think of everything i'd like to say here before i let the curtains fall. But i do think that's it. I'm nineteen and assuming i reach the current average i've got 56 years to live, and i honestly believe the first part's over. And i don't miss it. I'm not missing the rest that way. I'm nineteen years old, i'm alive, i'm bright, i'm healthy and i've got most of my life to look forward to. I suppose the best way i can think of to bring this to a close is to paste my favourite post here. Don't ask me why i like it that much; possibly because it was my first. I wrote this on the 22nd of October 07:

Chapel
He walked around the chapel five times without looking up, turned to check that he was still alone, and continued around the small, dimly lit room. The chapel was a rectangular room separated into two by a divider; the alter with five double rows of benches, and the adjacent space behind where the Catholic Society held its meetings. He walked between the rows, raised his eyes to the great statue of Jesus hanging majestically at the fore of the room, before raising his gaze higher to the ceiling and for the first time in 3 years, truly thanked the god he had long since failed to acknowledge even existed.

He reached for the bottle of water on the bench next to his school bag and drank a third of the water. It was over now. After 4 months of changing his mind, torturing it with images of the sweet girl with the silk like hair and the glimmering lips, he had finally admitted to himself how taken he was by her. And yet as he heard her words played superfluously in his head, the weight on his chest that had manifested there since had dissipated in a manner that left him both anxious and bemused. Anxious as he knew not how long this period of shock enlightenment would last and bemused by the presence of clarity altogether. He knew not whether it would even survive the test of an hour, yet try as he might to be realistic, he couldn't keep himself from rejoicing in the unmistakable feeling that was taking his body hostage- relief.

He turned on his heel and walked dazedly to the door, only turning back to face the gray statue of the Saviour he knew he didn't believe in. He smiled and exited the room.

goodbye =)

My Red Handlebars

2009-02-27T16:39:00.008+08:00

"Under all that we think, lies all we believe, like the ultimate veil of our spirits"
-Antonio Machado

The immediate problem with that would be knowing exactly which beliefs would serve us best. There's a group of guys singing outside my window. I'm not annoyed with them because i'm not in the slightest bit sleepy but i can only imagine how the some of the other tenants must be taking to the sporadic shouts of 'yeah we crank it up mate'. As stereotypes would go they probably don't give a damn because they're young and life is meant to be enjoyed with a few bottles of beer, especially on a friday night. We're the odd ones for being at home... duh

Funny the way people think. Such a pity i shall never take psychology. But then again not. Principles of Business law has its gains. Classes start on Monday and i can't say i'm not excited. Don't really think i can say i am either. Time here doesn't really seem to have any feel in memory. Today feels like a grain in a French loaf that doesn't end and can't be cut. Today will come and go as listlessly as yesterday did, with the same vague drudgery and meandering sentiments.

It's actually quite easy just whiling away the days here, convincing myself repeatedly that there really isn't anything else i should be doing. In all honesty, there isn't. The shouting outside stopped without me realising it, and i have not for the life of me any idea why i'm sleepy. The last 50 minutes have gone by the way you'd imagine it would if you were having the time of your life. Just i'm not.

Somehow, somewhere along the way i appear to have forgotten that i'm supposed to disregard any negative or disempowering belief to have chanced its way into my subconscious systems. Autopilot's good enough for a person who isn't up to braving the storms. Then again, i suppose all this venal stagnation and disenchantment really does stress how little importance everything else holds, which can really only be a good thing.

I know better

2009-02-26T20:48:00.001+08:00

Yes i do
Yes i do
Yes i do
Yes i do
Yes i do
Yes i do
Yes i do
Yes i do
Yes i do
Yes i do
Yes i do
Yes i do
Yes i do
Yes i do
Yes i do
Yes i do
Yes i do
Yes i do
Yes i do
Yes i do
Yes i do
Yes i do
Yes i do
Yes i do
Yes i do
Yes i do
Yes i do
Yes i do
Yes i do
Yes i do
Yes i do
Yes i do
Yes i do
Yes i do
Yes i do
Yes i do
Yes i do
Yes i do
Yes i do
Yes i do
Yes i do
Yes i do
Yes i do
Yes i do
Yes i do
Yes i do
Yes i do
Yes i do
Yes i do
Yes i do
Yes i do
Yes i do
Yes i do
Yes i do
Yes i do
Yes i do
Yes i do

...
sigh

2009-02-25T23:38:00.003+08:00

No amount of bombastic words and sanguine wit could possibly communicate to you how desperately imperative it is that i start making the most of my Melbourne year(s).

things need to start working.

NOW

=)

Holy Cow

2009-02-23T21:26:00.005+08:00

Bearing in mind i opted for thick and creamy as opposed to low-fat yoghourt, remind me to make it a point to sleep early so i can go have a jog at 6 in the morning tomorrow. I've come to believe with reasonable assurance that i am going to get fat in Australia.

Like, overweight. The dairy products here are just too good. Seriously. Just had to be awesome cows here. Not fruits, or vegetables. Even chickens would've done because chicken unlike beef isn't a red meat and it's not like i'm going to eat eggs all day, is it. No. Just had to have awesome cows. And with that comes the best beef in the world and everything made from cows milk; none of which could be very healthy given they taste as good as they do.

Oh well. I heard a very interesting theory today.

It's ok to eat beef in Australia because i doubt Lord Shiva will be reincarnated as a cow here. The cows here aren't holy. It's only the India cows you need to worry about...

i like that one a lot mind you... :D

It gets better after a week

2009-02-23T17:44:00.001+08:00

Melbourne is awesome... :D

first post from melbourne

2009-02-20T19:05:00.002+08:00

Ok, aussie reality check on day 5. apparently i look like an easy target. no wonder they hate us...

on the bright side, the weather's awesome, my commerce building looks really cool and the place i'm staying at for the next 4 months looks like a 4-star hotel.

'there's the good and the bad i suppose...

i got offered ganja somewhere along the way mind you...

7 grams is legal? never knew...

STOP THINKING THAT I HAVE ASTHMA AND THAT WOULD BE SUICIDE...

hehe... you'll never know will you

:P

Here We Go...

2009-02-15T16:44:00.001+08:00

and i'm out of words...

Not far away

2009-02-09T01:40:00.001+08:00

It's all in what you decide

2009-02-03T16:40:00.006+08:00

I suppose i can hardly be blamed for pouring over repeatedly in my mind the fact that i'll be heading to The University of Melbourne in less than two weeks, all alone for the first time in my life, to pursue a degree with a 70% drop-out rate. Am i nervous? I'd be lying if i said i yes, now anyway. To think a month ago i was up and rearing to go. What a difference a month can make. Everything i've played over in my head since then. But heck. I'm leaving. That's that.

I want to go. I'm dying to go. If there's anything i'd like to shout at the person in the wind it'd be take your best shot. I'm here. I'm not going away. Not on my own anyway. You'll need to chase me away. I dare you. Yeah, i've messed up. So sue me. Everyone has. Some things will gnaw at you for the rest of your life. You deal with them. Some people will gnaw at you for the rest of your life too. You fuck them off.

This is probably the most simple-sentenced post i've ever posted. I've been whining over the past few days about how i think my language seems to have deteriorated. Ridiculous given it's never really been that good. I'm being honest. I just had to correct one of my sentences becuase it was grammatically incorrect. The people who talk the least usually have the most to offer. I picked that up somewhere. I'd say often. Some people are just blank.

It's funny, but the one thing i've learnt from watching Rafa-Roger matches over the past couple of years is that if you really want to get anywhere, you don't give up. Never. If Federer's as much of a champion as Nadal is, he'll just have to snuff it. A year and a half ago it was Nadal crying. Federer's turn to try and turn the table. Brilliance personified and commitment personified. All that matters is which one worked harder.

Confidence is needed. Arrogance is way over the top. If anything's going to do it it's got to be meticulously crafted. Risks won't always pay off. That's why they're called risks. You can't expect the competition to go away either. They're there whether you want them there or not. They probably want it every bit as much as you do. Maybe more. You need to live for it. Catch-up is never a fun game to play.

I cannot begin to tell you how lucky i am...

Forgive me if i cease to make sense from here on.

I need everything to work. Efficiently. Like a well-oiled perfectly crafted machine. But unrobotic. Flexible. Beautiful. Fluidlike. No clinking. No rust.

Or not.

Why know anything else. They don't care. They don't care either. It's all what they see. What do they see? There should be this and nothing else. Belief works best when it's working under the extreme pressure of failure i'm beginning to feel. I'm still thinking of the How. Though i may already know. There's only one way to find out.

There is that and absolutely nothing else. Well-oiled machines are for later. I need the brute first. And i'm excited again. The kitchen sink is coming.

I'm leaving
And i will get there
:D

You're giving me more and more reasons to be happy

2009-02-03T00:26:00.001+08:00

And they were all mellow...

2009-01-30T01:28:00.006+08:00

All that matters is how they work when they don't

Game Over

2009-01-28T15:37:00.004+08:00

I hate this. All of this. Affording room for screwups. Or as much as i do. What would i say to the world? What would the world listen to? How would i say it? Where would i say it? Who would listen? How much of a difference could me saying it possibly make? And yet the obvious answer is say it anyway. Because whining about how alone you are really isn't going to make a difference.

Some things just need to work better...

I sense a drought coming

2009-01-25T13:18:00.000+08:00

cheerio =)

This is me

2009-01-23T21:12:00.000+08:00

take your best shot =)

Head on

2009-01-18T21:10:00.004+08:00

by Cai Guo Qiang
At the Deutsche Guggenheim, Berlin

It happened to catch my eye in the current edition of Newsweek. A large pack of wolves stampeding along the ceiling of the museum, only to run headfirst into glass wall and fall to the floor...

In the meantime

2009-01-18T01:47:00.008+08:00

entertain yourself =)

Headbanger

2009-01-17T02:54:00.000+08:00

ON THE WALL BABY!!!!!!!!!

I posted this a while ago...

2009-01-13T02:07:00.000+08:00

Niresh

I have this really odd feeling. And words can only do so much...

"Life's a game that favours the fearless"

High and dry

2009-01-12T23:02:00.001+08:00

How do you say everything you're feeling when you've no idea how to speak. I feel mute. Like i'm in one of those strange dreams where you've no idea how to deal with the situation you're in. I've been replaying the same 5 or 6 songs over and over again throughout the past few days. 'What's up' by the 4 non-blonds being one of them. The one i've been playing the most in fact by some strange coincidence. My sister left today. Probably won't be seeing her for a while. I probably miss her quite a bit. That feeling being somewhere down there with the others i can't seem to get to grips with.

Not like i'm in an overly-emotional frame of mind right now. Quite the opposite. My psyche label at this moment in time would probably read 'lost in translation'. Not that that makes an awful lot of sense. It's just the first thing i thought of. Bearing in mind i actually thought about that. I feel this innate obligation not to whine about anything. Which would paint a picture of a person largely together. Albeit a dull one. Here's a thought: if we were all impressionist paintings, how would we look like? would the colours be bold? our outlines clear? facial expressions, etc...

If you've read this far, i'd really appreciate a comment on that last bit. I feel like a shell. Without the slightest inking as to what's inside me. Just staring blankly at the world. Every now and then submerged as i'm compounded be a wave of water, only to eventually hit land and wait for another big one to come and carry me somewhere new. Somewhere real. But so what? Everyone falls flat every now and then. What makes my woes worse than yours?

Well, to start with they're not. I actually found out the other day why so many people live to get drunk. I suppose if you think the world's out to get you and there's nothing to live for it blocks out everything that doesn't make sense for long enough. Puts you in a state where you really don't care about what's going on anymore. You just want to move with the music. Or you just do, regardless of want. But there's so much more to life. And then there's the hangover. And there's no instant cure for that. Except to drink more.

I need to get out. Somehow i sense a dawn by the sea looming. If i get up that is. Momentum has both good and bad. I'd hate to imagine a break this long every year. If you disagree with what i've said here, i don't intend to sound prudish. But i am tired. And raring to go at the same time.

And so on. I feel like i've written this post a million times before. And i have. Like i have every other post. It's a cycle that goes on and on. But how do you find a purpose in nothingness? What does nothingness do for you? What does it do for anyone?

Unproductive would be the frame of mind i'm in right now. But what's there to produce? What is it that i should be doing that i'm not right now? You can only beat what's in front of you. So what am i staring at? Adversity? fuck no. Deprivation? I am deprived only of something desperatly hard to achieve. Or something worth achieving over the next 9 days. And this isn't helping.

Bohemian Raphsody

2009-01-12T03:27:00.000+08:00

1. Put your iTunes/Napster/Zune Player/WinAmp/etc on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!
4. Tag 10 or more friends who might enjoy doing this as well as the person you got it from.

IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
wake up call- maroon 5

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
videotape- radiohead [yes, girls... videotapes ;)]

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
tied to the 90's- travis

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
Give it to you- Eve feat. Sean Paul (i live to give it to you... awesome)

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
I'm yours- Jason Mraz (Well open up your mind and see like me, Open up your plans and damn you're free)

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
i kissed a girl- katy perry (interesting)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS?
Flowers in the window- Travis

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Give me one reason- Tracy Chapman

WHAT IS 2+2?
Cancer- My Chemical Romance (oh dear)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Return of the tres- Delinquent Habits [Delinquent maybe ;)]

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
First time ever i saw your face- David Cook (and when will that be again?)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Changes- 2pac ( i see no changes, every day i ask myself, should i blast myself...)

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Over my head- The fray :S

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Pushing me away- Linkin Park ????

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
The boxer- Simon & Garfunkel (I do declare, there were times when I was so lonesome, I took some comfort there.)

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Disco Inferno- 50 cent (Go! Go! Go!)

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
The Real Slim Shady- Eminem

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Wonderful- Everclear

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Haitian Fight Song- Charles Mingus (They're mutes with talents)

WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
Wolf at the door- Radiohead

HOW WILL YOU DIE?
Word up- Korn (Pretty ladies??)

WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
lady in red- Eric Clapton (am i missing something??)

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
Track 2, House Of Edgar Shotts & Dykehead CD. Ironically it did.

WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
Stand by me- The beatles (because i hate you so)

WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
Laura- Scissor Sisters (won't you give me your love?)

WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
My Precious- Lifehouse

DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
Rebel Yell- Billy Idol

In the midnight hour she cried- "more, more, more"
With a rebel yell she cried- "more, more, more"
In the midniight hour babe- "more, more, more"
With a rebel yell- "more, more, more"
More, more, more.

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
Prelude in Eb minor- Chopin. Poor Chopin...

WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
Bel Officier- Carmen: Act 2

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
Bohemia Raphsody live- Elton John and Queen

Castor oil plant

2009-01-09T02:25:00.002+08:00

I'm awake. it's 2.28.

i slept at 9.30 and woke up at 12.40.

I'm awake. it's 2.28. And i'm addicted to cheesecake.

Daphne

2009-01-08T00:32:00.002+08:00

Jump of the boat,
for your own sake,
because there's no escape from you,
you're a poison,
that doesn't go away,
and you'll kill us all,
sooner or later,
slowly,
and painfully,
jump of the boat,
we can't help you,
jump.

Foxglove

2009-01-07T03:45:00.005+08:00

This is a very interesting post. I'm awake at 3.45 because i can't sleep even though my eyes are dry and my body aching. I am reminded somewhat of people who under normal circumstances would agree to being locked out of the land of nod. There's a word they use for it. Somewhere. My sister's bunking out in my room because hers is occupied. I'm awake at 3.45 because i can't sleep even though my eyes are dry and my body aching.

I'm supposed to go swimming in the morning and i'm listening to the 4 Non Blondes 'What's up?' It's a nice song but id' much rather not be listening to it. I'm supposed to go swimming in the morning.

I am feeling a little peculiar. I missed football focus today because i was out playing snooker. Snooker is a blast. You take turns standing next to a 12 by 6 ft. table, trying to knock one ball against another so the second goes into a hole. I spent about 4 hours today playing snooker. I spent 5 the other day. By the end of it my neck was stiff and my eyes dry. We went to watch the spirit after that and everyone else walked out before the hour-mark. Troubles. Most people can't seem to get enough of them. Disted is a bitch for offering A-levels in 10 months. I'm awake but i'd really rather not be. I dislike being awake due to circumstances seemingly out of my control. I am feeling a little peculiar.

Delphinium

2009-01-04T23:36:00.005+08:00

This is the link to an article published in the Guardian about three years ago. It's based on a study made by the University of London. It cites the 20 most moving books as selected by men and women. I unfortunately can't seem to find the link to the whole 20 book list for women. I have only read 4 :(.

This is the guy's list:

The Outsider by Albert Camus
Heart of Darkness by Joseph Conrad
Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoevsky
The Great Gatsby by F Scott Fitzgerald
Brighton Rock by Graham Greene
Catch 22 by Joseph Heller
High Fidelity by Nick Hornby
Ulysses by James Joyce
Metamorphosis by Franz Kafka
The Book of Laughter and Forgetting by Milan Kundera
To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee
One Hundred Years of Solitude by Gabriel Garcia Marquez
Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov
1984 by George Orwell
The Catcher in the Rye by JD Salinger
The Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck
The Hobbit by JRR Tolkien
The Lord of the Rings by JRR Tolkien
The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain
Slaughterhouse Five by Kurt Vonnegut

I finally have something to do for the next month :D

Monkshood

2009-01-03T18:18:00.003+08:00

It's nothing but a frustration i suppose. I've been on holiday long enough, i really do think. And i don't think i'm much of a sadist either. Just somewhat deprived. Two months is long enough. I sound insane, but it really is true. I've become desperate almost.

I NEED IT.

--------------------------------------------------------------

It's like there's a whole in me, somewhere. Well, two holes. One of which can wait. Some things just need to be let go.

i wrote all that in the afternoon. Right now i'm kinda high.

--------------------------------------------------------------

about 24 hours after that last bit. I don't feel like there's a whole in me. Feels more like there's a a whole in the ground. And i want to jump in just for the heck of it.

hemlock

2009-01-02T23:43:00.009+08:00

Strange how i so desperately want to yoke a string of unrelated notions together and form a derogatory argument about how people i don't care about are screwing themselves up for no good whatsoever. Maybe that means i care and i'm a lot nicer than i think. Could just as easily be a bad thing i suppose given i don't really think i have time to deal with the waste humanity has to offer. A malevolent dictator i would be indeed. And i'm only half kidding. I wonder sometimes if it is unusual that i can sometimes lucidly imagine spending my entire life amassing a huge bulwark of wealth only to eventually pull a Thomas Crown out of pure boredom.

That of course would be alluding to the fact that i find myself perfectly capable of attaining such provisions to begin with. Which i am. Indefinitely. The turn of the year came and went without much grandiose really. More of a much needed reality check. There is no worse thing in the world than fear. It is the limit you place on yourself, either constructively or otherwise, intentionally or not. In my case the fear of an eventual burn out. An oxymoron in retrospect, as i know in obvious fact that it doesn't help to believe in such things. A perfect example of easier said than done. The great 08 lesson, as it appears.

I can only sit back and wonder what 09's will be. Labor Omnia Vincit anyone? How lovely that would be. It doesn't get any easier, i've learnt that much. And you're only as good as how bad you want it. Or how much you want it as compares to everything else. You don't even need to be entirely driven for something, so long as that's the all means all ends for you. Or gifted for that matter. Consistency pays would be another i hope. Sporadicity's a lame bitch. Pussylanimous and undeserving of any more than sporadic achievement.

I suppose with 09 i'm starting 08 again. Just a lot more hopeful, less expectant, more resolved...

09 optimism

2009-01-01T15:41:00.007+08:00

If you trust yourself enough you'll find whatever you think you need wherever you look for it.

08

2008-12-30T23:09:00.001+08:00

things you learn the year you turn 18:

1. Money isn't the root of all evil, fear is.

2. Stand there and let them see you. They'll judge you anyway, there's no running from it.

3. Never take your eye off the ball. It'll move.

4. There's no reason to believe there are things you can't do, just as there'll always be other people after what you're after.

5. Books are amazing.

6. Take nothing personally.

7. Don't stop trying.

8. Don't stop moving.

9. People generally don't know what they want. But that's only a generalisation.

10. People are mad. That's not a generalisation.

Sybarite

2008-12-29T23:53:00.002+08:00

Materialism. Hedonism. And bundles of love. =)

Invictus

2008-12-29T22:52:00.000+08:00

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find me, unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate;

I am the captain of my soul.

William Ernest Henley, 1875

Sadness,

2008-12-25T23:37:00.000+08:00

everyone has it in their lives...
deal with it

Monday momentum??

2008-12-21T20:18:00.005+08:00

i need a high;
and i don't mean alcohol,
or drugs,
or anything of the sort.

There just comes a point where you figure everyone's barking mad

2008-12-16T11:54:00.007+08:00

...and if you find someone who isn't, you're wrong

Muthu's Frozen Food: veryveryhealthy

2008-12-11T11:54:00.000+08:00

I feel my brain rotting. I do actually mean that. I don't feel like i can write. The sentences just don't seem to be coming to me.

By the way, have i mentioned my dog died yesterday? Yeah, quite bummed about it. Hasn't really hit home though, you know? I still drive through the gate every day expecting to see her there. Then it hits me for a while that she's dead and buried in the backyard. Then i still expect to see her there when i drive back the next time. Sigh.

On another note, Siem Riep was awesome. seriously. You imagine people a thousand years ago would've been a bit too preoccupied surviving without electricity to build stuff that looks that awesome, a millennium or so down the road. Sad to think it'll probably be closed to tourists in about 5 years time.

Yeah. Would probably upload more if it didn't take so damn long. Or if my photography skills weren't so limited. Nothing seems to be working the way it should for some reason. Heh. Half wonder what working would seem like.

Bah.

Scrub my mouth, my lady.

Apparently i'm a quiet person.

*crickets chirp*

*crickets roll over and die*

*and die*

you know all these people who live for nothing else but to have everyone think the best of them, so they lie to their friends who don't like their other friends? They need to be hung from their knees. yeah.

bet that teaches you, huh? yeah, you and Yakov. Stick it to the man, come on. Stick it to 'em.

There always has to be direction. Direction and desire.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

people, i have officially hit insane.

But really, the pleasure was all mine...

duck meets boat propeller

2008-12-11T11:53:00.001+08:00

Betty says: o-<-<
Bob says: what's with the ed wood pic?
Bob says: then again it beats borat
Betty says: awww i can always change it if you want me to
Betty says: YOU DIDN'T ASK ME WHAT'S o-<-<
Betty says: :(

Bob says: dead body?
Betty says: WHOA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Betty says: HOW DID YOU FIGURE THAT OUT?????
Bob says: dumb sign + person who loves making lame jokes = death

this REALLY isn't that funny. if you laughed, congrats, you are a dumbshit :)

The pursuit of happyness

2008-12-06T00:05:00.008+08:00

I feel like blogging about something that's quite pissing off but really don't have the time or enthusiasm to do so. Perhaps pissing off is a bit of an overstatement, since i really don't think i'm inclined to anger in any way right now. It's just slightly bemusing how terribly defensive and hypocritical some people are in the valves of basic human communication.

How about i pretend I want to protect someone and i use myself as an example for this post. I'm under no illusions whatsoever that I do not lack 'niceness' and exactly how heavily that lack gravitates is and has been open to debate by many quarters. Nor am I implying that i own up to all my faults either. Not by a long way. Hypocrisy is one aspect of social interactions I abhor above all others but that doesn't mean I myself am never guilty of it. Do i think i tell things as they are? Wouldn't dream of it. My version of any story is merely as unbiased as i can give from where i stand, which like most everyone else, doesn't mean much. My version of any event is in retrospect done for some form of personal gain, and if it isn't, it's to learn something. In most cases, that makes it just like yours. These are but examples. As a whole, i'm not going to pretend i'm any less screwed up than you are.

But then let's just suppose we were living in an ideal world, where we would have no problems owning up to any of our flaws and we wouldn't really want to point out anything wrong we see with anyone else. It quite leads us to wonder how we would otherwise grow and learn as a people? Almost renders everything we do pointless doesn't it?? Damned if you do, damned if you don't almost. I've actually come across a very interesting line recently: It's a shame we have to live, but it's a tragedy we only live once.

But then you wonder, if you're not wrong for arguing your point, and i'm not wrong for arguing mine, and given cultural differences and upbringings we can almost never be certain who's right or wrong on grounds of moral intricacies, what's the point of ever arguing a point? Why open our mouths even if all we ever want is to feel good? I've heard a friend recently say that most people only ever speak when one of the has a problem. At first i honestly didn't pay much attention to it since if i had i would have believed myself to be an exception to that rule. But having thought about it, I do really agree quite a bit.

I would go into it more but then there really wouldn't be much of a point to it, would there. Regardless of how long this post went on for, in the end the it would be but drowned in the vastness of social interactions, alluding that they are infinite and therefore ephemerally flawed. I suppose that the only thing that i can possibly see as being anything of a conclusion to this is that the only thing we could ever do when someone wrongs us is to forgive. Forgive them for not knowing any better, and for not being it, because more often than not you aren't it either. I'm not saying we should all allow ourselves to be martyrs for one another's moral shortcomings, nor do mean to say that we shouldn't hold high moral standards for ourselves and those around us. Forgive all the same, though care should be taken not to forget.

Note: I'm not high, or depressed. :D

#100

2008-11-24T17:09:00.001+08:00

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
But make allowance for their doubting too,
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:
If you can dream--and not make dreams your master,
If you can think--and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings--nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much,
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And--which is more--you'll be a Man, my son!

--Rudyard Kipling

rawr...

2008-11-23T22:21:00.007+08:00

EXP

2008-11-16T17:00:00.001+08:00

*bang*

*bang*

*bang*

*bang*

*bang*

*bang*

*bang*

*bang*

*bang*

*bang*

*bang*

*bang*

*bang*

.....................................................................

All i've ever wanted...

2008-11-03T18:33:00.000+08:00

Lucky

2008-10-11T21:26:00.003+08:00

Not the type of song i'd normally be found listening to, but i love the tune.

Do you hear me,
Talking to you
Across the water across the deep blue ocean
Under the open sky, oh my, baby I'm trying

Boy I hear you in my dreams
I feel your whisper across the sea
I keep you with me in my heart
You make it easier when life gets hard

Lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
Ooohh ooooh oooh oooh ooh ooh ooh ooh

They don't know how long it takes
Waiting for a love like this
Every time we say goodbye
I wish we had one more kiss
I'll wait for you I promise you, I will

Lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
Lucky we're in love every way
Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed
Lucky to be coming home someday

And so I'm sailing through the sea
To an island where we'll meet
You'll hear the music fill the air
I'll put a flower in your hair

though the breezes through trees
Move so pretty you're all I see
As the world keeps spinning round
You hold me right here right now

Lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
Lucky we're in love every way
Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed
Lucky to be coming home someday

Ooohh ooooh oooh oooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
Ooooh ooooh oooh oooh ooh ooh ooh ooh

~Lucky~
~Jason Mraz & Colby Caillat~

2008-09-28T23:08:00.003+08:00

The fact that a believer is happier than a skeptic is no more to the point than the fact that a drunken man is happier than a sober one

~George Bernard Shaw~

I actually disagree with this quite on the basis that i don't think believers are happier. Hell no.

Wake up, the roses are dying

2008-09-18T04:05:00.007+08:00

Dying?
yes, dying
how? why?
you're not watering them. of course they're dying. f*ckwit.
oh. ok then.
You're not worried by that?
of course not. what can roses do? they live, they look nice. I look nice. why would i need roses then? And besides, i'd get bored eventually.

I am out. of. touch. Funny conversations, both of 'em. And i fell again. pity eh? Of all the times to lose control. You'd think i'd have enough sense even in the absence of lucidity to pick sometime that wouldn't render myself deserving of a right tight slap. If anyone's going to barrage my c-box with more 'this post is really really abstract', please don't. I'm aware of that. Don't give squat. There's a reason this blog is abstract. It's to let me express any malignant condescending thought permitted the anomaly of my consideration without coming across anywhere near half as bad as i should. Not that this post is malignant or condescending. It's melancholic.

I must admit though, the surreptitiousness with which i've been beguiled ought really to be given some degree of veneration. Amusing more so since i've probably been guilty of just that in the past. Sigh. Karma's a pain, i'd think. A-Rob would give me that right tight slap a hundred times over if he ever found out about this post. I wish he would. I could really do with those slaps. Not so much that i think i deserve the pain. Not that i need to wake up either. I've been awake for the past 7 months, just i can't seem to stop yawning. The day's just started. Literally. It's 4.37 in the morning and i can't seem to sleep.

I've been typing this for the past 40 minutes and still don't seem to have any clue with regards to it's point. I guess it's really about fear. Not mine. yours. and yours. there's a lot going around isn't there. Risk is such a beautiful thing. Calculated risks of course. I wouldn't begin to condone any such notions of placing anything of any value on statistical laws beyond one's control. But when you have the cards, why not?

Geometric distributions anyone? It worked eventually for you didn't it?
Yes, the roses are indeed dying. But they don't matter, do they? They just exist. They do not challenge your thoughts, nor make you strive to be better. Your limits aren't pushed. They're just there. Pretty. As pretty to the crass and the truculent as they may to the ascetic. In case anyone's wondering whether i'm referring to a specific person in this post, I'm not. But that's the issue, isn't it. Yet another one of those really unfortunate situations where logic doesn't really seem to want to make a stand. To want without really knowing what to want. Greed? I'd tend to think otherwise. Though i do wish that were so.

Handlebars

2008-08-30T02:13:00.007+08:00

~Handlebars, by The Flobots~

It's quite addictive. The lyrics more or less imply Man's remarkable capacity for creativity, be it for military use or humanitarian purposes. There's another unofficial video circulating around from youtube. I like this one quite a bit more.

In fact, the more times i watch the video and listen to the song, the better it seems to get. The video starts off with these two friends sitting on a hill, from which they start cycling down, taking their hands off the handlebars. They reach the city where the road diverges and they split apart, signifying the different routes through life available to all of us. At the climax, they both end up on opposite sides of a revolution, one on the side of the government, the other with the people. It is really quite interesting :D.

now how on earth can you call this stupid?? :)

Happy Merdeka??

2008-08-29T23:33:00.003+08:00

blog.limkitsiang.com

i found this video to be extremely amusing
then again i could just have a very warped sense of humour...

be a man, do the right thing...

2008-08-26T22:51:00.001+08:00

a massive and consistent action towards fulfillment.
a massive and consistent action towards fulfillment.
a massive and consistent action towards fulfillment.
a massive and consistent action towards fulfillment.
a massive and consistent action towards fulfillment.
a massive and consistent action towards fulfillment.
a massive and consistent action towards fulfillment.
a massive and consistent action towards fulfillment.
a massive and consistent action towards fulfillment.
a massive and consistent action towards fulfillment.
a massive and consistent action towards fulfillment.
a massive and consistent action towards fulfillment.
a massive and consistent action towards fulfillment.
a massive and consistent action towards fulfillment.
a massive and consistent action towards fulfillment.
a massive and consistent action towards fulfillment.

if only it were that easy...

Music at last

2008-08-24T05:08:00.006+08:00

"Life is either a daring adventure or absolutely nothing"
~Helen Keller~

There's a button you click when you really need to, somewhere. I think i've hit mine.

It's quite frightening really how naturally screwed up we all are. I've actually been thinking of posting this up for a while and would have if it weren't for the seemingly endless stream of distractions i more often than not seem incapable of diverting from. There was actually a point in a very recent sequence of incidents where i'd pretty much come up with the tragic conclusion that being aware of how many mistakes it's possible to make at unawares is enough of a reason not to want to make mistakes at all. While i wouldn't hold it against anyone who'd like to raise their hand and say that there's no reason why taking the safe road and turning away from all the baddies in the world shouldn't work, I'd honestly rather stick to my possibly deluded belief that we're better off being at odds and life than evens without. We are a weird race, but i wouldn't have it any other way.

If we're all going to be irrational in the same way, i honestly see little point in putting a blip in that sequence, especially if the potential not to need that blip has always been there. We all have our anchors and rules. The only real difference we should learn to take note of is how they work and when our actions are affected with their nuances. I've heard there's a very fine line between insanity and brilliance. Well, as fine as that line may be, brilliance spans far beyond the horizons of that line and anyone opt to aim for its vicinities ought to be dragged back to wonderland. It's like dropping a ball on the floor when you're well capable an around-the-world.

On another note, as painful as this is to say, there is a certain superfluity to the absence of intellect in recent posts that seems ominously out of place with regards to this blog. As brilliant as i find pictures, i think it's quite fair to say that words are far more useful on a blog where you're actually expected to say something of some worth rather than 'perfect the art of dazzling brilliantly with absolutely nothing'. There are pictures we all paint. Some brilliant and lustrous, others dim with little definition. There's really no point comparing either with something that can't be seen, is there...

The nothingness i'd love to live for

2008-08-24T03:28:00.002+08:00

Insert a picture of nothing. Couldn't find one for obvious reasons...

teach me man, teach me...

"Blankness"

2008-08-24T02:41:00.001+08:00

This is sooooo bad...

keyboard on silent

2008-08-18T11:21:00.002+08:00

I'm becoming increasingly aware of exactly how useless a blog is to someone with nothing to say to the world. Not that i don't have anything to say or am condemning my blog to the label useless. It's just that at this point in time, i have absolutely nothing of any due worth i wish to deliver. My predicament is morosely lackadaisical at best. Without using the environment I'm in as an excuse, I'd like to point out that being in the general lab while everyone else is in physics doesn't help much, especially when the path to the library is painfully shut off to anyone without the means to teleport. or an umbrella.

It's rather difficult trying to tell you exactly what's been going on in my head recently. I've been reading Predictably Irrational by Dan Ariely, a Professor of Social Economics at MIT. To call it anything other that brilliant would in my opinion be a savage attack at logical reasoning and Man's ability to comprehend the roots of his thinking. The book discusses in sufficient detail the workings of the mind, and the way in which we all fall prey to irrationality. About as thought provoking as any non-fictional book in the market, you can't help but spend hours away after reading each chapter contemplating the way his arguments fit into everyday life. The only problem i have with the book? I'm RM90 poorer.

Like lilies fermenting my soul

2008-08-15T21:05:00.002+08:00

sigh

*Bang*

*Bang*

*Bang*

*Bang*

*Bang*

*Bang*

*Bang*

*Bang*

...

080808

2008-08-10T14:53:00.004+08:00

thanks. =)

Willingly Lost...

2008-08-07T00:25:00.007+08:00

You're in my head but you can't be there...

2008-08-04T00:22:00.003+08:00

Stop, it says go
don't listen to them
Stop, it says go
don't listen to them

yeah, it's all in your head
But you don't want to listen
They're imposing
again and again
They're imposing
the bread and the dread
yeah, it's all in your head
yeah, it's all in your head

You say your piece
but you eat your words
And there are no mistakes
but you eat your words

because it's all in your head
yeah, it's all in your head
but why am i listening
yeah
listen, listen, listen
listen to me in your head

~0030040808~

Stop Whining

2008-08-03T20:21:00.005+08:00

Are you such a dreamer
To put the world to rights?
I stay home forever
Where two and two always makes a five

I'll lay down the tracks
Sandbag and hide
January has April's showers
And two and two always makes a five

It's the devil's way now
There is no way out
You can scream and you can shout
It is too late now

Because
You have not been
Paying attention
Paying attention
Paying attention
Paying attention
Yeah, I'm not feeling it
Paying attention
Paying attention
Paying attention
Paying attention
Yeah, I need it
I needed attention
I needed attention
I needed attention
I needed attention
Yeah, I love it, the attention
Paying attention
Paying attention
Paying attention

I try to sing along
I get it all wrong
Because I’m not
Because I’m not
I swat them like flies
But like flies the buggers
Keep coming back
But I’m not

Oh, hail to the thief
Oh, hail to the thief
But I'm not
But I'm not
But I'm not
But I'm not
Don't question my authority or put me in the dock
Because I'm not
Because I'm not
Oh, go and tell the king that the sky is falling in
But it's not
But it's not
But it's not
Maybe not
Maybe not

~2+2=5~
Radiohead

Wildfire

2008-07-31T00:31:00.003+08:00

Myers-Briggs Temperamental Indicator Personality Test

2008-07-27T15:42:00.004+08:00

Extraverted iNtuitive Thinking Judging
by Joe Butt

Profile: ENTJ
Revision: 3.0
Date of Revision: 27 Feb 2005

"I don't care to sit by the window on an airplane. If I can't control it, why look?"

ENTJs have a natural tendency to marshall and direct. This may be expressed with the charm and finesse of a world leader or with the insensitivity of a cult leader. The ENTJ requires little encouragement to make a plan. One ENTJ put it this way... "I make these little plans that really don't have any importance to anyone else, and then feel compelled to carry them out." While "compelled" may not describe ENTJs as a group, nevertheless the bent to plan creatively and to make those plans reality is a common theme for NJ types.

ENTJs are often "larger than life" in describing their projects or proposals. This ability may be expressed as salesmanship, story-telling facility or stand-up comedy. In combination with the natural propensity for filibuster, our hero can make it very difficult for the customer to decline.

TRADEMARK: -- "I'm really sorry you have to die." (I realize this is an overstatement. However, most Fs and other gentle souls usually chuckle knowingly at this description.)

ENTJs are decisive. They see what needs to be done, and frequently assign roles to their fellows. Few other types can equal their ability to remain resolute in conflict, sending the valiant (and often leading the charge) into the mouth of hell. When challenged, the ENTJ may by reflex become argumentative. Alternatively (s)he may unleash an icy gaze that serves notice: the ENTJ is not one to be trifled with.

Take the test: Click here

Think Happy Thoughts

2008-07-22T20:49:00.003+08:00

Because i can

2008-07-20T00:42:00.000+08:00

or because i don't want to...

Count

2008-07-15T20:59:00.007+08:00

Rules :
1. Each player of this game starts off with 15 weird things/habits/little known facts about yourself.
2. People who get tagged need to write a blog of their own 15 weird things/habits/little known facts as well as state this rule clearly.
3. At the end, you need to choose 10 people to be tagged and list their names.
4. No tags back!!

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< 1. i spent 3 hours in gurney drive this morning watching the sea and the sun rise

2. Coffee Bean's Triple Decker Cheesecake isn't anywhere as good as it looks...

3. I'm not a big fan of rules. Whether or not i'm the one making them...

"The golden rule is that there are no golden rules"- George Bernard Shaw

4. I want a LOT of things...

5. I think The Beatles were definitely the best band ever formed.

6. I don't believe in god. I find the arguments for the existence of god to be very flawed as opposed to the arguments for god's absence which make very good, and in my opinion largely irrefutable, sense.

7. I love coffee. Used to love chocolate, but then realised deep down somewhere that coffee was a much more useful thing to love. That kinda says a lot about me.

8. I find things that are harder to achieve much more interesting and attractive. It's nothing to do with relishing the challenges. I think. I just find them much more endearing. Like the way most kids go for ice cream and chocolates. If you ask me, if it were easy, it wouldn't be worth doing.

"Nothing in the world is worth having or worth doing unless it means effort, pain, difficulty... I have never in my life envied a human being who led an easy life. I have envied a great many people who led diffcult lives and led them well."- Theodore Roosevelt

9. Along with the lack of belief in god, i also lack the belief in ghosts, leprechauns, werewolves, vampires, tooth fairy, Bogey man, etc...

10. I'd love to come across a horror movie that scares me mindless, or at all. Haven't seen one since The Haunting, and i was 11 then.

11. I don't believe in regrets.

"A life spent making mistakes is not only more honourable, but far more useful than a lifetime spent doing nothing".- George Bernard Shaw

12. Quotes are fun

13. Life would be boring without risks.

14. Questions are usually the answers.

15.I really like this quote:

"If you are going through hell, keep going"- Winston Churchill

Movement

2008-07-14T05:54:00.002+08:00

and timing...

Niresh

2008-07-13T19:52:00.011+08:00

I have this really odd feeling. And words can only do so much...

"Life's a game that favours the fearless"

Kiss me a lot

2008-07-10T23:33:00.006+08:00

Still in my head...

Besame Mucho,
Andrea Bocelli

Bésame, bésame mucho
Como si fuera esta noche
La última vez

Bésame, bésame mucho
Que tengo miedo a perderte
Perderte después

Bésame, bésame mucho
Como si fuera esta noche
La última vez

Bésame, bésame mucho
Que tengo miedo a perderte
Perderte después

Quiero tenerte muy cerca
Mirarme en tus ojos
Verte junto a mi
Piensa que tal ves mañana
Yo ya estaré lejos
Muy lejos de ti

Bésame, bésame mucho
Como si fuera esta noche
La última vez

Bésame, bésame mucho
Que tengo miedo a perderte
Perderte después

Bésame, bésame mucho
Que tengo miedo a perderte
Perderte después

Que tengo miedo a perderte
Perderte después

A thought...

2008-07-09T00:13:00.002+08:00

What do we avoid most?

Dang...

2008-07-05T15:35:00.000+08:00

Great Table Tennis............. - For more amazing video clips, click here

Because we can...

2008-07-02T23:08:00.004+08:00

"fate loves the fearless"

Do your dance...

2008-06-29T22:33:00.003+08:00

Bring it...

Ineffable

2008-06-21T00:11:00.004+08:00

With regards to the length of this post i'd like to say it has nothing that has anything in the slightest to do with what you may or may not think the last post is about. The two are about as exclusive with regards to each other as the Savannah and the bottom of my foot. This is about emptiness. Well, not really. I actually have no idea as to how i'm going to title this post. I just feel weird. It's almost as if my mind hasn't really left the absolute bewilderment of watching people kill themselves on screen after breathing in toxins from plants. twice.

It's like i feel detached. Like i'm taking a step back. Dissociation from Self would the term. It's as if i've just realised what goes on around me. The good and the bad. Part and parcel of life i suppose. What do you do when you know a close friend is going to fall very hard? I've always wondered. Not that that specific scenario applies completely right now. It may, may not. I really haven't the slightest plausible clue. In general though, what do you do? You know he or she is going to fall, and fall very hard at that. But it's not you're place to tell. Is it? And then you consider the ability of that person to pick his or herself up. If the ability of that person to do so is rather profound, wouldn't letting them handle it by themselves be even more beneficial in the long run, since you know they can? If it isn't profound, it's about time they got better at it, isn't it?

I mean, with all due respect to bonds of friendship, which in most cases merely gain in strength over the years, in the end of ends, we are all alone, aren't we? If you believe in god, as most of you inevitably do, you would agree indefinitely that when judgement day comes, we all stand alone, no? If you don't believe in god, you'd probably agree just as much that because there is no god, it's all the more reason that you'd need to be self-providing and strong, right?

On another note, and this time it may have something in the slightest to do with that last post, i've been left rather disgruntled by the apparent lack of apathy i haven't been showing. Not that i'm entirely sure how that works. Which is weird, since i've been advised to end whatever it is that has been ended that didn't even begin to start with. I'm not fueling the fire. There is none, and rightly so. Honestly, anything that doesn't need to be spoken that apparently isn't really as such, should be brought to me by he or she who wants to speak about what i don't, no? The door's still there, just you kinda need to knock to get it. And yeah, i'm aware that there is that ever so prominent noble path i've been told to tread. Not doing it this time, seeing as this time more than any other, the results are as inconceivable as calculus to a catterpillar.

Seriously. Say knock knock...

Get Help

2008-06-20T21:31:00.003+08:00

Do i owe you a post?

nah.
don't think so.
not that you don't deserve my time . you deserve about as much of my time as any other person i may know.
It's because of coffee...
ok, fine. I shan't blame that glorious bulwark of caffeine in the world.
It's because i have nothing to say.
Apathy.

nah, that doesn't fit either.
Pity more like it.

interesting enough to read

2008-06-16T00:14:00.001+08:00

Click Here

Passepied

2008-06-08T00:58:00.007+08:00

Link your tagger and list these rules on your blog-
Share 7 facts about yourself on your blog, some random, some weird.-
Tag 7 people at the end of your post by leaving their names as well as links to their blogs.-
Let them know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

i harbour thoughts of chopping my sister up and making stew out of her. not that i'd actually eat it. probably just take a spoonful then give the rest to the dog. She may or may not taste good, don't want to risk too much. (it said weird)
i like my freedom. freedom of speech, choice and particularly of going anywhere my limited petrol allowance will take me.
as i write this, there are weird clothing entities fit for an average to short person flying over my head. They creep me out.
it hit me just now how terribly disturbing no. 1 is. i should really take more care with what i write.
I really wish people in general would stop telling me i'm a lousy Indian just because i'm not a Hindu and i don't speak Tamil. Seriously. i'm not a Hindu because i don't agree with almost everything written in the Mahabharata, of which i have read about half, which also tends to amount to up to half more than most people who do call themselves Hindus. I don't speak Tamil because growing up, my parents never really took it onto either one of them to teach it to me. Not because i never asked. Though i should point out that not speaking Tamil doesn't really mean much, since most Indians DON'T actually speak Tamil.
I find the idea of owning a huge house with only the kitchen and bathrooms fully-furnished and a pool with 2 beach-chairs outside extremely appealing.
If i could make a list of 3 things i want to happen this year, having Obama win the presidential elections would be one of them.

I tag happy people...

i got bored...

2008-06-06T17:18:00.000+08:00

1.56

2008-05-28T01:48:00.008+08:00

Note the recent lack of actual written posts recently. Not that i've had much a choice. This post in fact comes at the end of a days worth shoving a-levels chemistry and statistics down my extremely parched throat. The most amount of studying in fact that i've done since the retreating to the panic stations before the trials.
It does however seem a lot longer ago than it really ought to...

See, before the trials, i was kept awake more by the fact that i was extremely unprepared rather than the fact that i thought i was prepared but somehow felt inclined to continue studying since deep down i did in fact know that i'm nowhere near as prepared as i ought to be. Well, that or the caffeine. Fine, it was probably the caffeine. Which brings me in fact to a post i was about to post about how davidoff is by far the best commercially produced brand of coffee i've ever come across.

It's quite odd really that my penchant for writing seamlessly(be it sensible literature or not) seems to have returned almost immediately after the near sublimation of my gp paper. It didn't go that badly- i would like to think that i wrote nearly half as well as i'm capable. Heck, even half as as well as i think i'm capable of at present would suffice- though i'd probably be quite grateful for an A.

Also, a month ago i don't think i would have survived longer than a chipmunk on crack on a treadmill. While any notions of conducting a fair race are both insane and derogatory(on my behalf... duh) at least now i could probably challenge the chipmunk if it were but half drunk on the largest of vodka-drenched acorns. Perhaps in a fortnight i'll not need to fleece the poor fellow with any more than a sip of the hardest shandy if any.

Note that it's now 2.12 and i'm starting to feel again like i can forcefeed myself yet more statistics questions. Yes, i really ought to. Me not needing to resit any of these papers at the end of the year would rather depend on it wouldn't it.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Note that as i continue writing this at 4.58am my brain seems still to be functioning somewhat rationally. My body language has however tragically dwindled from morose to ostentatiously depressed. I have bags under my eyes and my posture is, if possible, a bit off off...

Btw, for those of you who have anything even slightly resembling proper taste in music, and have the capacity to appreciate a movie that does not evolve around the egregious absence of a plot, give Across The Universe a try. And no, it has nothing to do with that punk-ass trilogy featuring Luke and his perversely dysfunctional family. It's a musical. Not that that would exhort you much into actually watching the movie. You'd probably be more inclined to watch it if i were to tell you that it had a cool topless scene with a really hot babe. Sigh.

i really ought to give sleep another try now. toodles.

Hook, line but don't sink

2008-05-26T22:30:00.002+08:00

I look at you all see the love there that's sleeping
While my guitar gently weeps
I look at the floor and I see it need sweeping
Still my guitar gently weeps

I don't know why nobody told you
how to unfold you love
I don't know how someone controlled you
they bought and sold you

I look at the world and I notice it's turning
While my guitar gently weeps
With every mistake we must surely be learning
Still my guitar gently weeps

I don't know how you were diverted
you were perverted too
I don't know how you were inverted
no one alerted you

I look at you all see the love there that's sleeping
While my guitar gently weeps
I look at you all
Still my guitar gently weeps...

-While my guitar gently weeps-
the beatles

Came across this on someone's blog. I'm not pasting the entire article here since it's not mine

2008-05-23T21:07:00.005+08:00

but damn, i love it...

Click here

I wonder...

2008-05-23T20:53:00.002+08:00

Congratulations Niresh Dravin, you are 82% not Malaysian.

That means you're as Malaysian as...

Michael Jackson!

How Un-Malaysian Are You?

You can stop laughing now...

Bigot

2008-05-20T22:57:00.010+08:00

Don't you find it terribly disturbing that there exist people in our society who hate you for absolutely no apparent reason? You've never met them before, never conversed, communicated or even been enlightened enough to know they exist, yet they hate you. Some time's it's the colour of your skin, others it's your sexual orientation, your political beliefs, gender, religion, etc. With all due respect to whatever severely limiting global beliefs you may or may not have been indoctrinated with, don't you deep down know that you're being irrational and that it is largely due to people like you(forgive the generalisation) that there is so much unrest and chaos in the world?

Perhaps the most disturbing thing about all that is the tragic lack of surreptitiousnesses with regards to the fact that the people who usually preach day and night about how we should embrace and love all humanity as brothers and sisters would probably be the first to tell you that Muslims should be wiped off the planet or that homosexuals should be treated in a less humane way than others...

sigh...
*forgive the verbose sentences*
*and terribly bad writing...*

Maestro

2008-05-17T00:09:00.006+08:00

Came across these on youtube

by Evgeny Kissin
Liszt's La Campanella

Rachmaninoff's Prelude Op. 23 No. 5
by Emile Gilels

To quote,

2008-05-15T22:52:00.004+08:00

"Not that it would be much fun being all powerful, but
if absolute power corrupts absolutely, does absolute powerlessness make you pure?"

Run

2008-05-14T00:55:00.004+08:00

We all want things...

I just happen to want more than most.

or perhaps just presumptuous enough to think it's possible to have it all...

drive

2008-05-12T02:31:00.000+08:00

and run...

Jabberwocky

2008-05-10T23:27:00.001+08:00

'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe:
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.

"Beware the Jabberwock, my son!
The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!
Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun
The frumious Bandersnatch!"

He took his vorpal sword in hand:
Long time the manxome foe he sought --
So rested he by the Tumtum tree,
And stood awhile in thought

And as in uffish thought he stood,
The Jabberwock, with eyes of flame,
Came whiffling through the tulgey wood,
And burbled as it came!

One, two! One, two! and through and through
The vorpal blade went snicker-snack!
He left it dead, and with its head
He went galumphing back.

"And has thou slain the Jabberwock?
Come to my arms, my beamish boy!
O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!"
He chortled in his joy.

'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe:
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.

Compose

2008-05-08T01:14:00.001+08:00

'the golder rule is that there are no golden rules'
George Bernard Shaw

changechangechange now

2008-05-07T23:52:00.006+08:00

Let me hit you...

on the head...

very hard...
yes, you need it...
just like i do
heh
heheh
ahahahaahahah

_________________________________

i fear for my sanity.
but i shouldn't
such a negative thought would undoubtedly harbour further thoughts of such undesirable content

i'm rambling
like i did in my essay
bad bad bad essay

ramblerambleramble

why oh why...

it's not like i can't...
heck, i'm doing it because it's hard...

Stand, climb and fall
fall how many times la...

take anything you want

interrupt it

there is nothing wrong with me...
it's all in my head...

*BANG*

*you don't wanna play around here*

I should be Studying

2008-05-07T22:02:00.002+08:00

The rules:

1. Link to your tagger and post this rules.
2. List eight (8) random facts about yourself.
3. Tag eight (8) people at the end of this post and list their names.
4. Let them know that they've been tagged by leaving them a comment on their blog.

Random facts:

1. i like popcorn
2. Lynn's No. 2 is very weird
3. Lynn's No. 3 is very obvious
4. I think Lynn is weird XD
5. I am bad
6. I'm laughing my evil laugh
7. Just read Lynn's No. 7... HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
8. Cheers Lynn

I tag:

Anyone who's free

Again

2008-05-05T01:20:00.007+08:00

I'm bored...

1.Real name => Niresh
2.Nickname => Oreo, Nireshy, stone-cold-dead-heart guy... do mispronunciations count?
3.Married => NO
4.Male or Female => Male
5.Highschool => St. X's Institution
6.College => Disted Stamford.
7.Short or long hair => Short
8.Are you a health freak => Yep
9.Height => 5'9
10.Do you have a crush on someone => nope
11.Do you like yourself => What's not to like?
12.Piercings => Had one
13.Righty or Lefty => Righty.

FIRST’S
14. First surgery => never
15. First piercing(s) => after spm
16. First person you see in the morning => Probably my garden obsessed neighbour
17. First award => don't remember
18. First sport you joined => Tae Kwon do. Stopped.
19. First pet => Sister
20. First vacation => don't remember either...
21. First concert => Force of Nature

CURRENTLY
23. Eating => Nothing.
24. Drinking => Coffee
25. I’m about to => Finish a summary for my Malaysian Studies folio

YOUR FUTURE
26. Want kids => don't know
27. Want to get married => perhaps
28. Careers in mind => they're in my mind

WHICH ONE IS BETTER
29. Lips or eyes => Eyes.
30. Hugs or kisses => depends
31. Shorter or taller => Taller.
32. Romantic or spontaneous => depends
33. Sensitive or loud => A little of both.
34. Trouble maker or hesitant => depends

HAVE YOU EVER
35. Kissed a stranger => No
36. Drank bubbles => aye
37. Lost glasses/contacts => never had any to lose
38. Ran away from home => and i would because?
39. Liked someone younger => surprisingly no
40. Liked someone older => yeah
41. Broken someone’s heart => apparently
42. Been arrested => Nope.
43. Cried when someone died => nope
44. Liked a friend => in a very unsound state of mind

DO YOU BELIEVE IN
45. Yourself => trick question?
46. Miracles => believing in myself kinda works the same way...
47. Heaven => Nope
48. Santa claus => Nope.
49. Angels => Well there's me...

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY
50. Is there one person you want to be with right now => Nope
51. Do you believe in God => Nope
52. Tag 5 people => Snots, Kit, Melvin, Rachel, Juli,

Hit me

2008-05-05T00:56:00.009+08:00

List out 20 names.
1. Nisha
2. Kit
3. Melvin
4. Anand
5. Beng
6. Rachel
7. Karyn
8. Lynn
9. Adelene
10. Sarah
11. Jas
12. Christine
13. Hsia Sheen
14. Deepak
15. Yench
16. Keshav
17. Bernice
18. Juli
19. Jenny
20. Wenyang

How do you know 14?
Diwali party at my house, 11 years ago??

What would you do if you had never met 1?
pick up some other creature from lost and found...
someone taller XD

XOXO

What would you do if 9 and 20 dated you?
Get 9 a loud speaker...
20 sucks too much... and he's a guy

Would 2 and 16 make a good couple?
I would sincerely hope not...

Do you think 8 is attractive?
in her own special way

Do you know anything about 12’s family?
Nope... apart form the husbad XD

Tell me something about 7.
she doesn't remember how she met me =(

What is 18’s favourite?
Hamsters

Who is going out with 19?
some guy or another...

How old is 16 now?
16

When was the last time you talked to 13?
Last Friday..i think.

Would you date 4?
Me no gay... =.='

Would you date 17?
Me thinks he's a bit confused... and he's my bro...

Is 15 single?
Uh huh.

What is 10’s last name?
Ch'ng

Would you ever consider being in a relationship with 11?
ich weiss nicht...

Which school does 3 go to?
Same place i did

Where does 6 live?
Chiseng Gardens

What is your favourite thing about 5?
Ping Pong skills...

Watch... just freakin watch...

2008-05-04T01:54:00.000+08:00

Adam Sevani and Jon. M. Chu
video 2...

Cry

2008-04-28T01:39:00.007+08:00

Beautiful, no? Almost as good as this.

Aah. Munch. Edvard Munch that is. Nearly as insanely gifted as the person who painted this next one...

And this

Problem is most people who read this wouldn't have been able to get past the fact that the first is of a nude lady...

"La tristesse durera toujours".

And it will...

I

2008-04-25T22:38:00.001+08:00

have AS in three f*cking weeks...

ouch

Sacrilegious

2008-04-19T00:18:00.008+08:00

An honest predicament. We're all different, each with either self-fulfilling or impregnable dreams that we alone either dare or dare not dream for reasons that ultimately gather to feelings of insecurity or redoubtable acumen. As an anomaly conversation that took place on the way back from snooker would testify, even among the conceivable closest of friends, ambition remains as sporadic an element of human character as any. Beliefs in terms of ability and consensus rationalizations due to congenital influences (lifelong indoctrinations) form an almost cynical spectrum of human individualizations.

I retain here that we all remain as different as our fingerprints would indicate and hold firmly that we each have as much right to believe whatever and whoever we wish, especially as far as lionized deities go. It doesn't cease to amaze me however that there exist some who would have you believe that they have somehow achieved all the answers to the universe by simply believing in something that can not be seen, heard or understood.

What separates he who would shove down your throat as many times as he can the beliefs or concepts that were indoctrinated into him from the moment of being from he who claims that the world is ugly due to his own visual handicap, i wonder. Surely it would be considered oxymora to consider any such being as merciful or loving if it denied us even the natural right to question. It begs the question 'what kind of a person accepts anything given without ever having the capacity to even consider the essence of that which is being divulged?'. If we're told that it's in human nature to make mistakes, then wouldn't it also be similarly concurring to consider that you may be wrong with regards to what you hold to be the absolute truth and the supposedly 'only way'???

Elk

2008-04-17T00:00:00.004+08:00

Remember the skinny dude from step up 2? Moose? Well, Miley Cyrus has challenged him and his cru to an online dance battle. The first is from Adam Sevani and Jon M. Chu.
This video, is F*cking Awesome

The Second one's from Miley Cyrus and her best friend Mandy Jiroux

IMO... Miley doesn't come close

Life will go on

2008-04-15T23:53:00.007+08:00

What i do while on a break

5 easy steps:
1) Put your music player on shuffle.
2) Press forward for each question
3) Use the song title as the answer to the question.
4) With the answers, comment on how it relates to the question.
5) Tag your mates

How am I feeling today?
Tender Surrender- Steve Vai

[Surrendering is NOT tender]

Will I get far in life?
[No. 3 Allegroben rimato e deciso (from the Three Preludes) - George Gershwin]

[As far as a jazz piano solo??]

How do my friends see me?
Bizet: Carmen- Act 1: Au Secours! Au Secours!

[Au Secours : In assistance]

Will I get Married?
Crimson And Clover- The velvet underground

i've been waiting to show her
crimson and clover
over and over

[and i'll be stoned]

What is my best friend's theme song?
Kiss- Prince

U don't have 2 be rich
2 be my girl
U don't have 2 be cool
2 rule my world
Ain't no particular sign I'm more compatible with
I just want your extra time and your

[I'd hope not]
[though a certain Chew comes to mind]

What's the theme song of my life?
Local God - Everclear

[awesome]

What was high school like?
You Remind me- Nickelback

[2 in a row...]

What is in store for this weekend?
Mr. Lover Lover- Shaggy

[I love this tag]

How is my life going?
I'm back- Akon

[I was supposed to be where again??]

When can you get ahead of life?
Twilight- Elliot Smith

[how delightful]

What's the best thing about your friends?
Earth song- Micheal Jackson

[No, they're not pedophiles]

What song will they play at my funeral?
This Ain't a scene, it's a god damn arms race- Fallout Boy

[will be once i'm gone...]

How does the world see me?
Crazy- Javier

WTF???

[probably]

How can I make myself happy?
Guantanamera-Wyclef Jean

... speaks for itself

What should I do with my life?
Ordinary- Train

As the lyrics would tell you...

And when the world is on its knees with me its fine
And when I come to the rescue I do it for you time after time
Everybody seems to be getting what they need with mine
�Cause you what I need so very but im anything but ordinary

Will I ever have children?
Cowboy- Kid Rock

[As long as they don't go all Brokeback Mountain...]

What song would you strip to?
Welcome to the Black Parade- My Chemical Romance

[i don't think so]

What does your mom think of you?
Elevation- U2

[i rock, duh]

What is your deep, dark secret?
Jimmy Crack Corn(A capella version)- Eminem

[you crack corn but i don't care...]
[i don't]

What is your mortal enemy's theme song?
Building a mystery- Sarah McLachlan

[would help if i had an enemy]

What is your personality like?
La Camisa Negra- Juanes

[I'm like a black shirt, apparently]

What song will be played at your wedding?
Life Breath- Prana

[That it will, awesome song]

Your overall theme song?
Life will Go on- Chris Isaak

[Spot on]
"this is kinda creepy"

people to tag:
Kit
Melvin
Sha
Karyn
Ruby
Juli
Rachel

2008-04-14T01:21:00.002+08:00

I want a rubber ducky

that came out...
*under most circumstances, this would be where i start typing shitloads of philosophical bullshit that comes to mind*
**mind don't seem to be working to well, dunnit**

I pertain that i'm incomprehensibly handicapped when it comes to...

nevermind
I could do with mushrooms...
or pork...
or cookies...

pain in the AS

2008-04-11T22:11:00.003+08:00

If it were easy, it wouldn't really be much worth doing...